The Wedding
by Porter Bailey
Summary: Mr. Baldwin and Ms. Lips are about to say "I do," but a lot can, and will, happen before the couple reaches the altar.


"Is it possible for someone to faint at the altar?"

Richard Salmons looked up from the magazine he was thumbing through. He watched Daniel Baldwin's reflection bemusedly as he undid and re-tied his bowtie for the millionth time. Salmons got up from his chair and swam over to him.

"Stop that. You'll wrinkle it, and it was fine the first time." He swatted Baldwin's hands away and adjusted the tie himself.

"You didn't answer my question." Baldwin said.

"I'm sure it's happened, but you should be thinking calming thoughts. It's not best to worry yourself silly like this." Salmons scolded.

"That's like saying 'don't look down!' I'm an anxious wreck."

"You could at least make an effort to be happy. It's your wedding day, allegedly the happiest day of any fish's life. Enjoy it!"

"But, what if nobody likes the catering? What if I forget my vows? What someone gets food poisoning? What if all of my children simultaneously get colic during the ceremony? What if the church burns down? What if Fish-England burns down?!"

Coach Salmons gripped Baldwin's arms until he stopped shaking and stopped talking altogether.

"Baldwin, you're getting hysterical. Besides, the church can't burn down. We're underwater!"

"It could happen!" He snapped.

"Or, what if instead the wedding goes perfectly and everyone has a wonderful time?" Salmons said. Richard tried to grin and bear it, but mostly he just wanted to haul of and slap him.

"Knowing my track record, that's not likely."

Salmons was about to protest, but the more he ruminated on that sentence, the more he knew it was true. For Baldwin, simply working up the courage to ask Lulu on a date was more than enough to raise his blood pressure a few notches. Their dates were never quite perfect, and Dan often found himself nervous about every little detail. Proposing to her was even more of a disaster, ending with him having the natural home birth he never actually signed up for. Cod knew what was in store for their actual wedding day. And with his entire graduating class returning just for the ceremony, Baldwin could almost bet on impending doom.

"Just…try to stay calm. Let everyone else do all the fretting for you." Salmons said.

"Right." Baldwin sighed, adjusting his tux in the mirror.

Despite the kind words, Dan felt nauseous. He could tell the tuxedo was a bit too small. He'd expected to lose a bit more pregnancy weight by this point, but it just hadn't worked out that way. He was positive Lulu would look better than he did. It wasn't hard, though. She always looked nice, at least in his opinion. Dan had shaved, though, his normal layer of stubble gone for the pomp and circumstance of it all. At the very least, Baldwin looked decent. His arms felt oddly empty, but not too oddly. He was so used to having at least one of his many infants in his arms at all times, so he had to remind himself that they were safe and taken care of. His in-laws saw to that; Baldwin was sure they'd spoil the babies rotten.

"Oh, is Finn coming? I haven't seen the guest list." Baldwin asked, referring to Dr. Frog. It was short for Phineas.

"I believe so." Salmons said.

"Is Bryan Mussels coming?" Baldwin asked.

"Of course. Wouldn't miss it for the world." Salmons smiled.

"Have you told him?" Baldwin asked, arching an eyebrow.

Salmons went quiet, chewing his tongue for a moment. He coughed awkwardly, never quite making eye contact with Baldwin.

"Did you say it was an open bar? I'm going to get a drink." Richard mumbled, starting to swim off.

Dan grabbed his fin and turned him around to face him. Gripping both of his shoulders, he forced Salmons to look directly at him.

"Well?" Dan asked.

"Of course I haven't told him. What else did you expect?" He scoffed.

"I knew it." Baldwin rolled his eyes.

"Dan, we've lived together for so long, I don't know how I could tell him! And if he does decided to move out, while I can afford my own place, I'm not sure if I could cope with the loneliness. I mean, you know what that's like. You've lived alone for years."

"True. I suppose I didn't notice it after a while." Dan shrugged.

"Well, you're an introvert anyway. It's probably different for you." Richard huffed, shoving Dan's hands off his shoulders.

"Salmons, I'm serious. You need to tell him. This unrequited crush of yours can't go on forever. Besides, you're a grown man. Don't play around with your emotions like you're some immature teenager."

"I know." Salmons said quietly, rubbing his fins together.

"Not to mention that you both could handle a little change."

"Am I really getting romantic advice from a fish who had to get his students to play matchmaker?" He smirked.

"Okay. Conversation over." Dan said.

"I thought so." Richard grinned.

"I can't believe they're really here. I haven't seen them since graduation." Baldwin said, feeling nauseated again.

"You did invite them, didn't you?"

"At Lulu's insistence."

"It is nice seeing them. Not much has changed in a few months, but they all look like they're doing well for themselves. Milo was telling me all about the college he got accepted to."

"Milo's here?" Baldwin cringed.

"Don't worry. I'll be sure to keep him and his little cronies as far away from you as possible. As a groomsman, I'll consider this my primary job."

"Just don't let him or Bea near the wedding planner; I beg of you."

"That goes without saying. Still, you must admit your students have done a lot for you in the past. And I know you weren't coerced too much into inviting them." Richard winked.

Baldwin grinned, chuckling slightly.

"Alright, you caught me," he said. "I kinda' missed them."

FHFHFHFHFHFHFHFHFHFHFHFHFHFHFHFHFHFHFHFHFHFHFHFHFHFHFHFHFHFH

"Wow, I forgot how big this place was." Bea said, her eyes roving around the high ceilings of Fishminster Abby.

"Yeah, it's huge. And the stained glass is really nice." Oscar said.

"Hey, remember the last time we were here? When you got mistaken for the Queen and you almost married Milo." Bea snorted, elbowing Oscar in the arm.

"Oh Cod, don't remind me." He said, blushing.

The young couple was sitting on one of the many pews in the church, having shown up a bit too early before the ceremony. They tried to occupy themselves with stories and jokes, each trying not to think about being separated at the end of the summer. Bea's college was all the way in Salt Tank City, and Oscar's being in Fishigan, the two were going to be separated almost immediately after finally getting together. The thought loomed over the both of them ominously.

"Oh yeah, where IS Milo?"

"I dunno. Probably out looking for Mr. Baldwin." Oscar shrugged.

"Well, I guess that gives us some time alone." Bea smiled, batting her eyes.

She only did this to get a reaction out of him, as she found it very cute. Oscar laughed nervously and began perspiring. He tugged at the tight collar of his suit. Nonetheless, alone time was just what he needed. He simply had to talk to Bea about college while they had a moment to themselves. Milo or some of Bea's girlfriends were always there, and throughout the summer they'd barely had any privacy.

"So, um, Bea?" Oscar said, clearing his throat.

"Yes, Oscar?"

"Have you been thinking at all about-"

"Hey." Shellsea said, swimming up to Bea and Oscar.

"Hey, gurrl!" Bea said.

"Hi." Oscar said weakly, saddened by the interruption.

"So, Bea, I saw the cake. It looks ah-maaaazing." She said.

"White cake, white icing?" Bea asked.

"Yeah. The whole deal."

"Ooh! I can't wait!"

"They've also got mini-hotdogs. I got some."

"Shellsea, I don't think the buffet was open yet." Bea said.

"Don't care. Starving." Shellsea shrugged.

"Well, alright. Tell me if you see Milo anywhere, okay?" She said.

"Totally. May-beh. Finberly! I need more tiny dogs!" Shellsea cried, swimming off.

"Bye, Shellsea," Bea waved. "Anyway, what did you want to say, Oscar?"

"Oh…uh, never mind. It wasn't important." Oscar said.

"Are you sure?" Bea asked, reaching for his fin.

"Yeah. Don't worry about it." He insisted, staring off at one of the many stained glass windows.

Oscar wondered what his brother was up to.


End file.
